David Petraeus' affair, bad intelligence and government incompetence
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By: Unwelcome Perspective | November 13th 2012
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Any time the government screws the pooch, whether it's weapons of mass destruction in Iraq or the embassy attack in Benghazi, they enlist the same tried and true go-to approach: "we had bad intelligence." This leads a concerned citizen to wonder, "Where is all this bad intelligence coming from?" Well, thanks to David Petraeus' affair to forget, we now have a general idea as to the general hygiene of the mouth of the river of retardation that is the Pentagon's information system.
I won't dispute the title of "military intellectual" that the retired five-star general's colleagues and the media have bestowed upon him. But I don't need to, because where there's a great intellectual, there's often a great lack of common sense. I'm not aware of any standardized common sense tests, but having sex with the woman who is documenting your life…..is an automatic fail. I don't care how many Car Talk puzzlers you can solve, you're a five-star idiot.
One of the things I'm looking forward to as I grow older is a lower sex drive, therefore allowing me to think less and less with penis. As my penis is further distanced from the decision making process and slowly stops showing up to my brain's board meetings, I'm hopeful that this will cause me to make smarter, well-thought out, less impulsive, and sounder decisions. While the detours my balls keep sending up to my brain to block the road to logic often result in great adventures, I'm almost confident they're preventing me from achieving wealth and wisdom. If Petraeus sexual vigor at age 60 is any indication of where I'll be in 35 years, then so much for my wealth and wisdom.
Here's the thing: I expect the head of the CIA to have affairs. I expect all men of great power and influence to have affairs. I don't think they should, but when they do, I'm never surprised. But I do expect them to be smart about it, which is an expectation I now have to retire. Having sex with a married woman who is also in the military and is writing your biography isn't exactly 007 level sleuthing. But we don't need 007, we just need you to be the CIA. For starters, let's get a little more creative with the affairs than having sex with the woman you closely work with every day. If I was the head of the CIA, I would be using the same unmarked airplanes they use to take terrorists to torture chambers in Kazakhstan, and use them to fly in Lebanese hookers to speakeasies in Istanbul. But if I just had a penchant for GI Jane's, the second these women started talking, I would make them be quiet or disappear. Cash in duffel bags, cyanide, assassins with silencers, you're the CIA, figure it out. The fact that this woman is alive and yakking gives me comfort and unease at the same time. Comfort that the government isn't corrupt, and unease that they're too incompetent to be corrupt.
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