Look, He's in Trouble!
If Fifty Shades of Grey is a reflection of the modern woman's idea of romance, then there are a lot of freaks out there. And if the mainstream's media's undivided attention on important people saying stupid shit is the news that sells the most advertising, then we're a nation of children, tantalized by the idea of a really big famous person getting into hot water. Remember being in kindergarten, when some kid got caught doing something bad and the whole class's morbid curiosity was roused into a state of frenzy. Thirty-two six year-olds collectively riveted by the idea that this wayward youngster was about to GET IN TROUBLE. Sure our prepubescent genitalia remained un-affected, but we were turned on in the same way crowds gathered in the Wild West to watch a hanging.
Well, we're still doing it as adults. Case in point, Mitt Romney's recently exposed gaffe, which following an endless string of other celebrity fuck-ups of 2012, has placed in at around the same number that porn stars stop counting their sexual partners. We love seeing people get into trouble! And not even big trouble. Not Bernie Madoff stealing money from synagogues trouble. Nope, just some guy running for office getting people riled up at a fundraiser. Just some old sexually dysfunctional Senator making science-defying claims about rape and pregnancy. Just some comedian on stage trying to make a fucking joke! Nothing slicks our insides and floods our appendages like seeing these hapless idiots get into trouble.
Why is that? Clearly some of the aforementioned incidences invite more alarm than others. But they're still just people talking. Have we become a nation of super easily offended pussies that can't survive a dishwashing cycle like your mom's fine China? Do we lack feelings of adequate self-worth, only to be comforted by the occurrence of some successful jerk's public blunder? Or have we just blossomed into adults that get a special tingle from another adult doing a no-no.
Whatever the perversion, as adults, we've made the stakes higher. Major news manufacturers are saying that Romney, by the mere act of muddling a couple true statistics together, may have blown his chances of having a competitive chance in this election. Unreal. When Tyler was sent to the hall for calling Ashley a butthead (circa '92), he didn't take himself out of the running for passing kindergarten. I'm no Romney supporter, but until we find out he finger-blasted a couple secretaries quid pro promotion, let's get back to the lesson plan and try to write inside the lines.
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